News / OMG

Gay people are turning everyone - every single person in the whole entire world - bisexual. At least, according to self-proclaimed "Bishop" Brian Tamaki (pictured here with his hair slicked back and sporting some super rad shades). While speaking recently at the first annual "Born in the Fire" conference in New Zealand, where tickets cost $65 a pop plus whatever donation you would like to give, Tamaki cautioned the over 1,000 attendees that gay people were on a not-so-secret missive to turn each and every single one of their children bisexual.

A whole generation of children, he said, will be turned bisexual because the "perversion of homosexuality is leading the charge".

Tamaki has coined this dangerous phenomenon "gaypower" (one word).

"The spirit of gaypower is so powerful it’s changing political institutions and half of them don’t even want it, but they’re forced to", he preached.

"Churches are powerless", he continued. "You go there now and you talk about that now and you’d be driven out of town. Not by the gays, because they’re so well organized, but most of the neutral population agree with them"!

So what can be done about this?
For starters, Tamaki said, attendees should give him even more money than they already had so he could launch a full scale attack against the ever-growing "gaypower".

"We’re not ashamed of giving", he told followers. "You can’t stop us, no one can stop us. Because it’s in our spirit. Doesn’t that just make you want to give more? Have you got more? Chuck it in there"!

He also encouraged them to buy his self-published book Quotes You Can Frame for $30.
As he wound down his sermon, Tamaki told followers that "gaypower" is "a fire that’s allowed to burn because the church ran out of fire! After a while the whole globe is going to be on fire"!

As people began filing out of the chapel, he could be heard whispering into his microphone: "fire, fire, fire, fire".